मै शायर बन जाता हूँ...

जब भी उसकी याद सताए मै शायर बन जाता हूँ.

जब ख्वाबों में वो मुस्काए मै शायर बन जाता हूँ..

शोख हंसी बचकानी बातें वो पल्लू का लहराना,

बादल जब उसकी तस्बीर बनाये मै शायर बन जाता हूँ..

शिखर पहाडो के छूने को जब बेलें इठलाती हैं,

सागर की लहरों पर बैठा मै शायर बन जाता हूँ..

मनी, सफलता, करियर की बातें मुझको बड़ा सताती हैं, 

पर अन्तेर्मन जब द्वंद कराये मै शायर बन जाता हूँ ..

 

....very close to my heart when I am in Durban

गुस्सा प्यार अप्नत्व बंदिशें सब कुछ मिस मै करता हूँ,

पर अम्मा जब फ़ोन पर आयें मै शायर बन जाता हूँ..

..Dedicated to my friends.

Cool, Dude, बिंदास, Genius जैसे लफ्ज़ मेरे लिए ही हैं,

पर friends मेरे जब BC करवाएं मै शायर बन जाता हूँ..    

IT's GenNext

Prologue: Through this blog I just want to see the world from the eyes of an 8 yrs old girl who wants to convey her feelings.

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It’s me 100% ITian, the way Rahul Gandhi and Priyanka Gandhi are only 50% Indian (Hey Rahul / Priyanka, No offence intended! it was not my opinion but just a way to make my audience understand what I wanted to convey from the word 100% ITian, credit should go to some politicians), needless to say my Ma and Pa both are into IT. My parents, a sparkling face of India Shining who grasped the opportunity with their both hands when India did the same in late 90s during software serendipity enjoy, sinecure job of software professional despite their moderate educational and humble family background.
Nobody around me listen to me, they do take care of my bat and ball but not the ball game that is played inside my mind they just ignore me or think I can’t think beyond their love and affection, but some thoughts stirred in my mind by the words like go and play turn rebel,. But I want to share with you something, something that is filled to the brink of my mind, hope you would listen. I would tell you everything the way it maintained in my mind’s notebook----

“It’s a baby girl.” I listened to a soft, delicate, pleasing voice silencing the cacophony of what, when, how etc from my near and dear ones. It was Dr Nalini after examination of certain reports.
Being a wife of a software engineer Dr Nalini is kind of family doctor to IT fraternity of our area who would enjoy weekend parties with my Ma, Pa along with some common friends। Last week Ma just got some complications and had to go through series of medical checkups। As my grand parents had come all the way from village, my parents had to quench their curiosity and unofficially Dr Nalini had to expose my sexuality।
I was thrilled to know that I was a girl. I always aspired to be a girl without knowing actual difference between the two genders and for this credit goes to my parents’ conversation in person and in weekend parties. My Pa and his friends have all admiration for one or other girls, be it their cerebral or physical beauty, attitude or professionalism and my mother and ladies out there would feel jealous rather than opposing them. I heartily thanked God to keep me on that side of road.

I didn’t realize how long I lost myself in thoughts but silence out there broke the figment of my imagination.
“Relax son..After all it’s your first baby”. My grand Ma’s words seemed more like consolatory rather congratulatory.
“Ya ya off course. Nithi is OK and baby is healthy anything else hardly matters to me”. Pa replied in the very same modulation.
“Are you OK Nithi??” Pa asked Ma in the same breath.
“Yes I am perfectly fine. I will rush to office. It’s so less time and I’ve plenty of things to be done”. Ma replied rushing to office.

I realized there were just few days and I will be seeing the beautiful world what He had promised me to show. But something had been appalling me as I was witnessing something different to what I was promised by Him. I was expecting generous, happy and euphoric welcome by my new family but “Relax son” and “anything else hardly matters to me” were mysterious to my understanding. It was just I felt their excitement, vigor, zeal were fizzling out and giving me birth was not like happy heavenly moment for them but a favor on me.
I think I was taking things too seriously after all I was yet to see the world, may be my over excitement was a culprit for my flurry of negative thoughts.
My parents were quite happy that was obvious from their conversation and my mother’s mood. She had started receiving special care from Pa and my grand parents. Within week my grand parents were leaving for village, my ancestral place happy and content.
Being an ambitious, responsible and sincere team woman my mother had started taking her work with vengeance to complete it before she took maternity leave. Apparently it resulted into slogging at office that would make Pa furious at her sometimes.

“It’s 10PM, you should have been home by now. It’s not good for you and baby both” Pa complained anxiously over phone.
“I am at the door, coming in sec” answered Ma, slamming the door behind her.
“You should take special care of you and baby now” Pa kept complaining.
“We had to do some release that followed by some small team celebration” Ma explained unapologetically.
“You can’t be so irresponsible towards baby” Pa’s love for me was boiling over.
“I have other responsibilities too…” Obviously it was not very good day for Ma.
“Why don’t you leave other responsibilities now, after all you are becoming Mom now? And if it was so important why did you plan our baby at this point of time” Pa was getting annoyingly sensitive I guess..
“Leave responsibilities?? Are you serious?? What about Goddamn home loan, car loan etc?? Can you afford it alone?? And how can you talk about plan, was it my sole decision???” It was Ma’s turn to show her grit.
Arguments and counter arguments went on and I had become an output of a plan more like their SDLC plans not a heavenly blessings.

Time ran fast, meantime we got calls from my grand parents, got congratulatory emails and calls from closed friends and relatives, Ma took maternity leave and most of it Ma and Pa both had forgotten the other day’s acrimony. I think this is the best part of today’s busy life; you don’t have much time to carve your grievances either.
I was jubilant as it was the day I always dreamt of. I could see the world, hear the conversation clearly, see the world my own eyes now, see my parents in their physical forms. I could see my Ma, Pa, uncle, aunt, and grand parents beating my excitement. I witnessed endless well wishes, gifts, loves in the form of kisses, parties within month time. My home and life looked like a fairytale until my grand parents wished to move back to village leaving Pa, Ma and me in this 14th floor, 2 bhk flat in sky touching building.

“Say Hi to Dai MAA”, Ma asked me shifting my face to face a new face.
I twinkled my eyes at her.
“Such a cute baby”, so called Dai Ma replied.
I was introduced a new Ma(Dai Ma, what He never mentioned), a malnourished woman wrapped in a dingy saree hardly reaching below her knees not because of its size but wrinkles in it, her thick eyeglasses hurdled me to read in her eyes for love or hate, her disheveled hair were making the matter worst. Now I can recall my parents were desperately looking for someone to take care of me as her maternity leave were coming to an end and my grand parents had already left a week before.I chose a dreamy conversation with Him leaving my Ma and Pa begging her to reduce her fee by meager 200 bucks.

Ma had to take her work from where she left, though not much slogging but thanks to IT office culture I hardly saw her before 8:00PM. My parents would pour their love and affection once they come from the office. I would keep waiting for their arrival from office as in the morning they hardly find time even for themselves after morning chores and traffic tensions.
They say time heals everything and I too adjusted myself to my Dai Ma. I started seeing love inside her specs, closeness in her taps, comfort in her laps, affection in her shouting, coziness in her worn out cotton saree after all she was giving me weeklong love of my parents in a single day. Even on weekends she was there to carry me when my parents were doing some shopping for me or for their personal accessories. To be very honest I started liking company of my Dai Ma more than them so does she I guess. Even my parents felt so and they were envious to her but what could they do.. they were helpless.
I was two and half now and I was placed in a high profile play school for which my parents were paying more than triple the amount what they would pay Dai Ma. It changed nothing but reduced number of minutes I would spend with them in the morning. In play school I realized I was not alone but discovered a new breed..IT breed in me and my friends.
Time moved on and I have kept enjoying myself in new company of new friends in play school now in convent, Dai Ma and a bit with Ma and Pa but something pricks me when I read books, listen to stories, recall His words about heavenly love on earth.
Hey Ma!, Hey Pa! I am really sure you are reading this blog and I want to tell you that I hardly recollect His promises, so my qualms against your love and affection is also faded out after all you all are doing everything just for me and if any you have already given me Dai Ma to fulfill that void.
It has been long since you guys are slogging to keep your job, position and package intact when economy is touching new low every day when you have gamut of responsibilities viz car loan, home loan now my education plans too. It is just I wish I were in list of your responsibilities I would not have to write this blog to pour out my heart.

In Search of my ID

It was way back to year 1999 and I was just opening my eyes or you can say trying to open my eyes into the world of information technology. I had prepared my mind for a degree in computer science. I’d been just going through its syllabus, colleges, patterns, merits and my position in the crowd where I could see myself nothing but an alien who had never touched computer before but people around me (read friends, relatives, near and dear once) got a chance to quench their queries regarding IT jargons. I was just a novice in this field who had just switched his mind to IT from civil services thanks to reservations system, number of chance to appear and uncertainty around civil services but they had gamut of questions such as what is internet, what is all about www… , email.. chat and list went on..  It’s not only the ones who were asking questions how could I avoid RAI bahadurs(Advisors .. for exact meaning of Rai bahadur even google wont help you but me;)).. “you know Its just hype of IT things there would be Y2K and they would left with void in computer arena..why don’t you appear in clerical grade exams?, you have pretty good mathematics, don’t you?” All these would make me shivering with fear of failures.

            All these made some positive changes inside me at least and I started taking a little interest in all these. I purposely said ”little” because in Rs 45 per hr in cyber café you can take a little interest only and it meant most for the guys like me who would have tight pockets. Thanks to one of my well wishers, advisors, Rai Bahadurs whatever you say I thought of opening my email account keeping an eye on the need of my preparation. I inquired with some of my friends who would visit cyber café often, but the term EMAIL seemed to them as never heard thing instead they poured their mono-centric knowledge of DESI.. sites.

            Now the task had become tough for me as I could not spend much time in cyber café when I dint know how to double click or meaning of different keys on keyboard, I dint know where to click because on just opening the internet explorer many alluring pics of english/desi babes popped up, undecided to close or to explore different part of GOD’s most beautiful creation. Speed of computer and 45 Rs per hr were just making matter worse. But there is will there is way I managed to find a guy, computer science engineering student who assured me to get my id on Internet Ocean.

            Very next day the “friend in need” accompanied me to nearby cyber café and threw some light on email service provider and formats of email id, emailing, chatting etc. I wanted my unique id (Never thought internet permits only unique id) , unique id of my choice sunil.pandey@.. seemed to be almost perfect.

What would be your id?? Friend asked.

“sunil.pandey” I replied before he could finish his words.

He entered id and I filled password, tried to fill as natural to me as my name. I could see friend turned his eyes off it.

“User name already exists. Please try another one” Message box popped up, giving me some option for the id. I tried various permutation and combination but in vein, I could not get id of choice and I had to satisfy myself with the id provided by world(Internet). May be it was first time I realized how difficult it is to get unique id that too of your choice.

            This story seemed to be replica of our journey into the real world, where everybody wants to have his/her own unique id and some works to achieve this.  Some compromises owing to the limitations around them, some wait for their time to come and exploit as soon as they get it, some make their own way to get it( Even I got my unique email id when I explored less known service provider, when new service provider joined to this business).

            They say everybody has been sent to this world with unique id of our choice to pursue certain goal, the responsibility is on us to find out because even this service provider (GOD) does not permit redundant ids. So let us find our unique id of our choice for this service provider lest we left with our unique id at yahoo, google, rediff, msn……. only.